This morning, I struggle with snakes. We shelter a plethora of snakes on the drain tiles under our home. While walking to the swing set, our daughter startled one, sending it slithering behind a bush. Snakes can be positive, I remind myself. They eat mice and rats. We've actually never had a mouse or a rat. But they're quiet. You never notice the snake until you're almost on top of it.
Life seems to work the same way - serene on the surface but teeming with snakes beneath. At times, those you trust seem to stab you in the back for no good reason. The duplicity unnerves me because I can't rationalize it. I love a rational argument. There doesn't have to be a winner - you don't need to convince me that you are correct (and probably won't) but I will listen, even to ramblings that I vehemently oppose. They simply confirm my convictions in my mind. And I try to respect others' opinions, to allow the same space for their musings that I expect for my own.
But personalities always create friction. Even unsaid, tension is felt. It can be felt through texts, phone lines, and in person. If someone skates an issue, or glosses over it, there is always a tell. I used to ignore those feelings - push them down and reprimand myself for overreacting. I've spent my life being admonished not to rock the boat.
But, at what point do you draw the line? When someone hurts you, do you confront them? If so, what is to be gained when you know that the mind you approach is already closed? Is it possible to have a meaningful conversation when probability dictates that the closed mind will shut you out and run around town, screaming drama? What if this person is someone your child admires? What if doing so might disappoint your child now? Do I swallow my pride and sit alongside the snake?
There's a place for snakes in this world, but it is doubtful that I would welcome one, let alone a nest, of them in my house. Leave the snakes outside to eat the mice, rats, insects and other pests. In regards to which they are most useful to us, let's have them exist. I would probably would fast pitch one that attempted to interact with me or a child. My advice for the closeminded gossiper would be the same as it for the snake.
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