Thank you for dissing me, Helen

I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I know that might come as a shock to some of you – or maybe just a shock that I’ll admit it – but it’s true. My mom always told me to keep my mouth shut if I couldn’t say anything nice, but it turns out living in silence isn’t really my thing. Biting my lip usually comes back to bite me in the ass.

I’m critical, both of myself and others. And don’t you dare tell my husband I said that or he’ll use it to win every argument from now until Christmas. I’m not harder on anyone than I am on myself. It isn’t my fault he’s incompetent. Somehow, even with 2 graduate degrees, he still can’t grasp the concept that not all clothing is dryer-safe. But I’ll stop there or this whole post will turn into a list of things he can’t handle, and I could write another book on that topic alone.

While I was adding a few book recommendations to my Goodreads list, I ran across my first truly negative review. It stopped me in my tracks for a minute. As an author, I have a tendency to surround myself with people who agree with and encourage me. I thought I’d scream or cry or be crushed. I wasn’t. Oddly enough, it made me kind of happy. So thank you for dissing me, Helen.

Maybe that sounds odd. I’m not begging for negative reviews here. I’d offer a blow-job for a reputable review, but then we’d both just end up disappointed. But how many truly thought-out criticisms do we receive? Very few. Readers who love my book are happy to contact me and write reviews. Those who don’t usually don’t bother finishing the book – well, except for my mother-in-law, who very clearly stated she was relieved she didn’t tell anyone she knows about it.

I feel lucky that I was surrounded by people who did not hold back critiquing me throughout the writing process. They forced me to swallow any pride I had in my work early on. If found them to be valid critiques, I made changes. If not, I didn’t. Either way, they made me carefully consider both what I’d written and why I’d written it, which made me more confident in the choices I made. Not everyone is going to appreciate my book. Or my blog. Or my tweets. Or my sense of humor. Or me for that matter. I didn’t write it for them. I don’t expect them to.

So what did Helen say in her two-star review? She said she’s not in this phase of life anymore so it was nothing new to her. She said maybe she would’ve appreciated it if she were younger. She compared me to a well-written blog post. Just the fact she used the words well-written made me incredibly happy. She didn’t slam me. She just isn’t part of my target audience. If her review scares off a few people, they probably aren’t part of it either.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and Helen will pass my book off to someone who will enjoy it or relate to it. Or maybe she’ll throw it in the trash. It’s irrelevant. What began as a mission to gain exposure and sell as many books as possible transformed into a way to connect to people with whom I have something in common. Adrenaline still surges every single time someone tells me they’re reading my book, but the real reward in writing has been finding the place in this world where I do fit in just being my critical, sarcastic, and occasionally crude self. I may dish it out, but I strive to take it as well.