#ILookLikeAnEngineer

I think a lot more about real sex than I do about sexism because sex is fun and interesting and complicated, but sexism is just a given in my profession. I understand that, as a female chemical engineer, certain work connections will never be available to me - not because I wouldn't sit at a strip club with the guys from the office, but because those guys would never ask me to come along - probably because they know the girls would rather talk to me than them. It's a club I'll always be outside.

When I first graduated from college, a co-worker told me a story where she was forced to crawl through a confined space so the guys who were with her could look up her skirt. I've never experienced anything like that so I've considered myself pretty lucky. Sure, I've had guys comment on my weight instead of my work. Sure, I've had guys wink at me and rub my shoulders when I'm trying to collect information about their processes. Sure, I've had men attempt to accompany me back to my hotel after business meetings, but I'm an expert at letting those things roll off and keeping a professional distance in my interactions. Hell, just ask my husband. I can talk any man down.

#ILookLikeACompetentEngineer

However, this week, I've had two separate instances of men telling me that women aren't competent and I've reached my boiling point. One was a random Facebook comment to the #ILookLikeAnEngineer campaign on my wall. I deleted his post, ranting about how he'd never met a competent female programmer, and all I could think was how limited his experience must be since I've known a few of them and programming isn't even my niche. The comments really said more about him than it did about any female who has had the displeasure of working with him, but I would challenge any man with that attitude to place it on his resume and make those same comments on LinkedIn. Make an appointment with your CEO and explain how you can't work with female co-workers because they're beneath you. Please. Do us all a favor. Oh, and for the record, #ILookLikeAn Engineer - an engineer, a 40 year old mom of 3 kids, a wife, an author, and a real person who would usually rather discuss sex instead of sexism.

The second comment this week -  the second one was personal. I'm working with government regulators to update one of our manufacturing sites to maintain environmental compliance. While attempting to collect information that had been requested by the government, I was told, "You really should tell (the government official) that I've been out for surgery and then just talk about whatever you girls talk about because it'll probably be a while before I'll look at this." Whatever us girls talk about? Like we're discussing knitting patterns? We're talking about the regulations that will be written into a permit as your operating parameters on a deadline that's been mandated by a government agency. Would you like them to walk in and shut you down tomorrow? When I'm not busy killing spiders with staplers, I'm keeping you legally employed. Either way, I'm not reapplying my lipstick. You're welcome.

#ILookLikeACompetentEngineer

In some ways, I feel sorry for these guys. Their lack of exposure to strong women makes their career paths seem rather stagnant. The second, whom I know well, has worked in one facility, and one job, his entire life. His perspective is limited, so I find myself sucking it up, letting it roll off as a joke, and playing nice because I'll probably need information from him again tomorrow. But the older I get, the more I notice that I always have to be the one letting it go. Apparently the men are already doing their part simply by lowering themselves to work with me.

If I act like a man who is driven, I'm a bitch.
If I act like a good family man, I'm distracted by my family.
If I act like a compassionate manager, I'm a pushover.
I'm I act like a workaholic, I'm neglecting my kids.

Thank God I wasn't raised by one of these men. I was taught I could be whatever I wanted, and even at this age, I still believe it. I'm only limited by my perception of myself - well, that and I have to be done by 4:30 so I can start thawing dinner and drive the dance carpool. But you know what? While I'm doing that, my husband is running the laundry and shuttling kids to track practice. No one ever said that made him less competent.