“Finish your peas first. Then you can have a few chips.”
“Finish your homework. Then you can watch TV.”
“Finish remodeling the kitchen. Then we can have a party.”
According to some random conversation my parents heard on
NPR, the ability to delay gratification at a young age is an early indicator of
success. If a young child can grasp that 3 marshmallows in ten minutes is worth
more than 1 now, he is umpteen times more likely to attend a decent university,
select a desirable mate (or maybe none at all if he’s really smart), and live a
happy, fulfilling life.
I don’t buy it. Who the fuck did that research? In my experience, the best laid plans are guaranteed to fail miserably while the best things in life happen completely spontaneously. Compare candid photos of kids with with ones from a studio if you need proof.
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| On the left, an overpriced photo of my daughter screaming. On the right, a candid taken in her room with a $20 camera. |
Don’t get me wrong. Saving a little for the future is a
valuable endeavor. But what makes tomorrow infinitely more valuable than today?
The future's so bright, I have to wear shades? I don't think so. Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee, and living as if it is denies our basic mortality.
Perhaps that’s why everyone is so focused on it. It’s easier to plan for a
future than to admit there may not be one.
A Facebook friend posted: “I've
always instilled one thing in my children. Finish what you start. But what do
you do when you find yourself at the same crossroad? Finish what you started?
Or leave it with your integrity?”
Last week, I turned down a coaching job
because both my 5 and 9 year olds started gymnastics classes and hated them. I
let them quit, which also impacted my ability to coach. As we were leaving,
someone asked me why I gave my kids the option. My answer? “Because I’m raising
quitters.”
What the hell is so wrong with quitting? I was raised to be
a quitter. My mom probably won’t appreciate that statement, but I mean it in
the best possible way. How many people hang on to things that don’t bring them fulfillment?
Horrible careers. Unhappy marriages. Toxic friendships. Commitment and committed have the same root word. Coincidence? I think not.
Why is it considered integrity to stick with a miserable
decision? Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe circumstances changed. Maybe you
changed. I’m not suggesting you pack it in the first time you encounter difficulty,
but at some point, isn’t it actually better to move on? It takes bravery to
admit that something doesn’t work and change it. There’s nothing I hate more
than motivational phrases about perseverance. To what end to you persevere?
I quit all sorts of activities and my fair share of
boyfriends and I don’t regret any of them – only the way I went about it when I hurt people. Sorry, Dan. I played the flute, the violin, and
the piano. I danced for years. I was even a cheerleader for a while. (And I know
that sounds like a joke, but it isn’t.)
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| Instagram doesn't offer a collage with enough spaces to illustrate everything I've quit. |
Although I try to budget and prepare for the future, I
place just as much importance on now. I don't live on credit or $20 dollars away from my house being reposessed, but I also don’t own guest towels. I use the nice
ones every day. I lay out the silver for dinner when I want to, although not
usually on cereal nights. The happiest people I know don't spend every minute
squirreling away nuts for the future. I figure I won’t need nuts anyway – when the
country goes to crap, a couple of bullets will be all I need to shoot my way to
the organic aisle at Kroger.
